Click here for pt. I of the

 interview w/the band

Karma: Okay guys, here’s a Speed Round of Questions. What's your mantra?

Jeremy Wooden: What’s a mantra?

Karma: It’s a phrase that sums up how you live your life…

Jason Costa: [speaking softly while explaining the concept of a mantra to Jeremy begins to give his example]

Karma: Can you repeat that?

Jason: The only responsibility that you have tomorrow is to get on stage and play for a half an hour.  You can do that drunk, on 2 hours of sleep, and no meals!!! That’s mine!

Group: OHHH!

Jeremy: If it can’t happen it will! And we’re cursed, we have the worst luck on the entire planet! I wake up everyday expecting one of us to burst into flames…and that’s it! Everyday that someone doesn’t burst into flames is a good day!

Paul Stoddard: I always say another day, another dollar, another $10 owed. And I also always say right before I go onstage, “Another day at the office! Time to go to work!”

Kirk Kolatis: If you’re driving in front of Diecast, WATCH OUT! [We all laugh]

Jon: Concentrate!

Paul: Wow!! That was exciting! [We all laugh hysterically]

Kirk: [Imitates sound of buzzer] 265 people surveyed… [Makes sound of buzzer again] and your answer doesn’t even make the board!! He likes guns, hookers and fire trucks!

Karma: [A perplexed look crosses my countenance] Guns, hookers, and fire trucks? [Laughs]

Jon Kita: I like Brad!

Karma: Brad or Brent?

Jon: Brad.

Karma: [Further confused and confounded, I proceed] What’s the first thing you do when you come home from a tour?

Paul: [Instantaneously turns and looks at Jason and Jeremy] Hahaha! Don’t answer that!

Karma: Oh that’s right! Your girlfriend’s going to get hurt! [We all die laughing] Next!

Jason: Yeah!! [Nods head up and down and give a devilish look]

Jeremy: Masturbate violently! [We all share a hearty guffaw] No seriously, you can’t do it on the road with a bunch of dudes. And you try to escape for a little then all of a sudden you’ll hear one of ‘em or they’re making weird noises and you know what they’re doing… So as soon as I get home, I get my nice porno, I get my room by myself… 30 seconds first one, get some food, come back, a couple minutes later…for the next one I'm raw, I'm tired, I'm sleepy! [We laugh hysterically]

Paul: [Laughs] Jesus!

Jeremy: Yeah, well if I get 6 or 7 in one day, it's nice!

Paul: I wish I had something as fun, but I hug my mom.

Group: OHHH!!

Jeremy: But do you hug your mom while masturbating? [Everybody loses it in the room]

Jason: How horrible is that?

Paul: What's even more horrible is I after I hug my mom I go in the other room and masturbate! 

Jon: Maybe you guys are masturbating in unison!

Paul: Yeah, we’re like 2 pistons in an engine!!

Jeremy: Well, at least I hug my mom first!

Paul: You want me to hug her afterwards. [Ewww's emanate from the group]

Jason: Have you been playing in the ammonia again?

Jeremy: I at least need 2 weeks off after a mother’s hug, man!! 

Paul: I’m dropping the hammer, Harry!!

Jeremy: Top that you son of a bitch!

Kirk: Well I just sleep for 2 days then go to the nudie bar!
 

Jeremy: Then what do you do after the nudie bar?

Kirk: Then I go home and jerk off!

Paul: See, the whole world revolves around…

Karma: Jerking off…well I see! [Looks at Jon] so are you planning to do the same?

Jon: No, I’m homeless so I’ll probably just go in an alley and jerk off

Paul: Do you jerk off on a bum?

Jon: No

Jeremy: [Turns to Paul] But you masturbate in your own mother’s house! Now that’s sick!!

Jon: Well that’s part of the problem, I haven’t jerked off in a while!!

[At this point, an unexpected inebriated visitor pops in and breaks all of our concentration]

Karma: Okay, what’s your favorite color?

Jason: I like 2: black and red.

Jeremy: I like the combo of the 2 with maroon.

Paul: GREEN! I just like green.

Kirk: Black and maroon too.

Jon: Black, then more black actually.

Kirk: Black is so general! Do you have on black underwear as well?

Jeremy: Do you have a little thing that goes, “b-l-a-c-k”.

Jon: [Looks unphased by his band mates/older brothers razzing him he just looks at me hunches his shoulders and laughs]

Karma: What color is your bathroom?

Jeremy: Oh man, I haven’t redone mine yet so I don’t even want to talk about it.

Jason: It’s black and red [Said with a straight face]

Jeremy: Seriously?

Jason: [Laughs] It’s the color of my room though.

Jeremy: She didn’t ask you about your room, she asked you about your bathroom!

Jason: I don’t know what the color of my fucking bathroom is! I go in there to take a piss and then I leave! I don't look at the color!

Jeremy: You spend hours pooping in there, what's the problem.

Jason: Yeah, but I read or something…

Jeremy: You never noticed what color your bathroom walls are? You lived there your entire life!

Jason: I don't know! Skip to him!! [He points to Jeremy, we all laugh hysterically] I don't like the bathroom; it's not my favorite place. I'd rather chill in my living room or some shit!

Jeremy: You never concentrated on point in the wall?

Paul: Uhhhhhhh! [Making grunting noise and scrunches face up mimicking Jason]

Jason: No! [Annoyance building in his voice] There's something weird going on, he's probably got an outhouse or something and he doesn't want to tell anybody

Paul: Jason is definitely on the toilet doing double pedals to the side!

Jeremy: Mine has pastel wallpaper.

Paul: Mine's a very lovely, robin's egg blue with some brown trim and mauve.

Jon: Maize would be nice too!

Kirk: My ghetto apartment has got peeling lead paint off of it. It may have been white at one time but I think it’s yellow now. I don't really care, I don't own the place, I just go in there and shit.

Karma: Do you have any phobias?

Paul: I just want to add really quick that was an awfully odd question! [Laughs]

Karma: Oh why thank you! [We all laugh] It gets better!

Paul: Oh it does? [Smiles]

Jeremy: Bring it on!

Jason: My phobia is bees!

Kirk: Spiders and bees!!

Paul: I know Kirk's phobia…

Jeremy: I've never seen this guy jump so high in my life…

Paul: …I mean Kirk's a guys guy but man a spider came [jumping out of his seat quickly] and he was like, "Kill it! Kill it NOW! Get it out! They bite you!!"

Kirk: Bees sting and they hurt! They always laugh at me and I don't know why!

Jeremy: Scorpions sting too!

Kirk: When I was a little boy I was playing in the back yard and a spider crawled up my leg…wait that was Arachnophobia!

Paul: Food!

Jon: I don't like food! It makes me sick…I have substance phobia, foodobia.

Karma: Okay! Paul?

Jeremy: And you see sharp pencils…

Paul: Okay now they know! Oh this is great.

Jeremy: At least you'll know why!

Paul: I'm like Bruce Danner; you wouldn't like me when I'm angry!

Jon: I'm afraid of little people!

Karma: Little people?

Jon: I respect as people and as equals but they scare the sit out of me. It reminds me of that song on Wizard of Oz.

Karma: Were you traumatized as a child by Wizard of Oz?

Jon: I was!

Karma: Now that's bad!

Jon: It is very bad!!

Karma: So you still haven't gotten over that yet?

Jon: No! I mean it's not that I hate them, it's just that I'm afraid of them!

Jeremy: Water snakes and eels! I don't like things that slither in the water. I don't like them brushing against my leg…

Jason: …down in Miami…

Paul: …there was that fleshy human head that was standing in the water…

Jason: Oh god!

Kirk: It looked like Newt Gingrich's head just floated by

Jeremy: With a tail like this [expanding his hands ever so widely] and huge eyes!

Erika: Ewww!

Kirk: I mean that motherfucker's head was the size of a basketball and shit!

Jason: I don't like deep ocean water, no deep ocean water where there's just weird shit down there and fucking engines!

Paul: Engines?

Jason: Yeah engines!

Paul: I mean when you see one you get the shivers or something?

Jason: I try to overcome all the time

Jeremy: I thought you were scared of radiators, lobsters…?

Jason: I try to overcome it see when I was younger, my dad took off cap off a…

Jeremy: That's a radiator!

Jason…the radiator, whatever…yeah the radiator and I got burned real bad because the water came out every where…I can't really go near one. Oh it sucks!! I could never, ever be a mechanic; it's just the worst! I would throw a wrench at it and bang it.

Karma: Okay, I think I know the answer to this question for you…Pantene for shampoo right? [In reference to a conversation I had with Jason prior to the interview]

Jason: Yes! I use Pantene.

Karma: So shampoo? [Looking at Jeremy]

Jeremy: Nair! [We all die laughing] Nair or a Gillette Sensor!

Paul: I use Pantene too!

Kirk: It's got too much alcohol, it dries the hair out.

Jeremy: Oh Jesus Christ!

Karma: So what do you use?

Kirk: I used to use the Paul Mitchell stuff but it’s too expensive so I use Tresemme now! $3 bucks for a huge bottle, that's all that I can afford right now!

Jon: I use that Herbal Essence shit hoping that an orgy's gonna partake and breakout in my bathroom!

Jason: [Starts to moan]

Paul: That's a good excuse, I should use one! "I'm just washing my hair guys! I'll be out in a minute!!"

Jon: …Organic experience! No I think I use Pantene, but just the conditioner

Karma: Oh, okay, just the conditioner.

Jon: Yeah, just the conditioner.

Karma: What color are your kitchen plates?

Jason: White but I really want the cobalt see thru blue

Karma: Those are so cool!

Jason: I had those glasses…

Jeremy: The ones with the bubbles in them?

Jason: I have those glasses

Jeremy: With the little bubbles in them?

Jason: I just don't have the plates.

Jeremy: With the little bubbles in them?

Jason: No, okay! I don't like the little fucking bubbles!

Jeremy: Okay! I was just asking!

Jason: Blue with just see thru!

Paul: Eat your bubbles!

Jeremy: Burn in hell!

Jason: It makes the goddamn plates frail!

Jeremy: White with a blue border.

Paul: Paper!

Karma: That's the best kind!

Kirk: Off white with green trim on them

Jon: Just regular white I guess!

Karma: Okay… How about your first job?

Group: [Groans in unison] Oh God!

Jason: You really want to know that?

Karma: I do!

Jason: I worked in a redemption center where people would turn in old gross cans

Kirk: With bees in them!

Jason: With bees in them and slugs and old condoms would fall out.

Group: OHH… Ewww!!

Jason: Someone had an old condom stuck to the back of it one day.

[A wave of disgust fills the room of all who are in earshot]

Paul: What a great idea! [The room is quickly filled with boisterous laughter]

Jason: It was pretty fucking stupid!

Paul: We've got these cans for a jerk!

Group: OHH!

Erika: Geez!

Jason: It was a bad job!

Jeremy: I worked at a drugstore and the guy who owned it, it got a little creepy and I stopped working there! [We all laugh hysterically]

Jason: Now that's a story you never told us!

Paul: That's a good one!

Jeremy: He came up behind me, he tried to fix my collar started to touch my shoulders and I said, "I quit! Here's you coat back, go find some other little boy you diddler!" And that was it, I was out of there!  Fuck that!

Karma: Wow! Paul?

Jeremy: [Out of nowhere decides to look drunk] Its okay, I ordered the shots! [Slurring speech] He still works in a grocery store!

Paul: I was gonna say the name of the grocery store because I actually got fired from there for stealing condoms! [Looks down at floor and begins to laugh bashfully]

Jeremy: Stealing condoms? [Mouth stays agape in disbelief]

Paul: I was too ashamed to buy them.  I was!

Kirk: What a pussy!

Paul: Well there all these girls from my high school that used to work the register… [all the guys are verbally razzing him, making noises, pointing…] Because you know everybody from the high school works at the local grocery store! Well you know I didn't want to mix the future prospects! But it all started with condoms then it turned into this huge empire where I was selling batteries and candy bars at school!

Erika: Oh my god! [Covers mouth with hand]

Paul: It was gateway!

Kirk: I used to steal blank tapes and nudie magazines but damn…

Paul: I made so much money…it was great!

Kirk: Anyway, my dad made me start working for his buddy fixing Mac trucks and I started being a mechanic early on!

Paul: [Pointing at Kirk] See, manly!!

Kirk: Manly shit!

Paul: [Sticks chest out] MANLY!

Kirk: At 12 I'd jump on this giant motor that was like 10 feet up in the air…

Paul: I had no fingerprints early on!

Kirk: We all earned our way!

Jason: And my face was burning…

Paul: From the radiator…

Jason: Whatever! Man, I don't even want to go there! [Side bar conversations ensue]

Karma: And your first job?

Jon: My first job I freelanced because all I did was go down and dive for fucking fish and fucking clams and shit like that and sell it to seafood places around there, steal soda and sell it down at the beach.

Karma: There's sure a lot of stealing going around!

Erika: [Laughs hysterically]

Jon: I worked at Dunkin Donuts and Dairy Queen too!

Jason: I didn't steal but if someone brought in 600 cans, I'd be like 1, 2… [looking around with obvious reference to cheating the customer]

Karma: 2 more! If you could travels the spans of time, which era would you return to?

Jason: Ohhh! Any where? Oh that's a hard one!

Karma: Well you have time to think about it; I'll come back to you.

Jeremy: The Renaissance, so I could have sex with thick women!

Paul: Sweet!

Jeremy: I hate this supermodel bullshit!

Paul: Sweet! Get you a Renoir woman! Curves are where it's at!

Jeremy: Get a nice, big curvy woman, little waist, big huge butt! Curves are where it's at! Go back to the Renaissance!

Jason: Very nice! Egypt! That's my answer, I want to go back and see them make the pyramids and shit!

Karma: Okay [Smiles]

Kirk: I'd go back to 1987!

Paul: Oh, that's WAY back!!

Jeremy: ALL the way back!

Kirk: I missed out! I need my big hair and hookas [Said with an EXTREMELY thick Bostonian flair]

Jeremy: [Laughs and attempts to repeat] Hookies?

Paul: Can you spell that? [We all die laughing] I’d definitely go back to the Medieval times and I’d have sword, and my burly shield and I’d be on my horse…[In which this hits home with the band’s newest video entitled "Medieval"]

Erika: He looks like he would do that!

Paul: …jousting and conquering…

Kirk: …and kicking ass!

Jeremy: Then I’d come up and cut your leg off! [Uncontrollable laughter ensues] When you weren’t even looking!!

Kirk: You’d be the jester! He he!

Jon: I’d be a pirate that rapes shit and takes it.

Karma: Speaking of pirates, if stranded on a desert island, whom would you like to be marooned with?

Jason: Hehe, Fairuza Balk

Karma: That was quick!

Jeremy: Jennifer Lopez

Karma: Speaking of big butts…

Erika: Going back to the big butts!

Kirk: Come back to me at any time

Karma: You’d want to be stranded by yourself?

Kirk: I don’t know! This is a tough one! I mean if I had a choice [unexpectedly turns to Jon] You’d take Johnny Depp wouldn’t you? [Room erupts with uproarious laughter]

Jon: I think he’s a fabulous actor!

Paul: And you’d have sex with him? [A stunned silence briefly befalls the area before cacophonous laughter ensues]

Jon: [Starts to look angry]

Paul: It would be out of respect!

Jon: Everybody that I work with was gay and they said I was about 15% - 20% gay. Because I guess everybody is kind of gay. [Everybody looks at Jon and starts shaking heads no…]

Jeremy: Uh, I don’t know about that one, buddy!

Jon: Exactly, I would not sleep with a man! [Said adamantly]

Jeremy: Except for if it were Johnny Depp! 85% of the time!

Paul: What if Johnny Depp played a woman like Buggs Bunny does sometimes?

Karma: He did play a woman in Ed Wood! [As Jon and I almost say this simultaneously]

Jon: He did play a woman in a movie.

Jeremy: “Sachet, Chaunte!”

Jon: No man, I can’t the plumbing’s wrong!

Kirk: “You Gotta Work!”

Jason: Ah man this interview’s gonna suck

Kirk: She gonna edit all of this…

Karma: Oh no there will be NO editing! So Paul we need your answer now…

Jon: So my answer’s gonna be Johnny Depp? No!! [We all share a hearty guffaw] My answer would be like Jessica Alba or like Elisha Cuthbert, Eliza Dushku…

Paul: Johnny Depp in one of those costumes

Kirk: Pretending to be one of those girls…

Jon: [Nostrils flaring] Would you just leave me alone it’s my fucking island and my person! I would be marooned with either Jessica Alba, Elisha Cuthbert, or Eliza Dushku!!

Kirk: Its [Sylvia] Kristel is that girl that’s in Emmanuelle, that ShowTime series back in the 80’s?!

Jon: Yeah, yeah, yeah! [Begins to look excited]

Kirk: And she’s an 80’s girl!

Karma: Well there you go! [She fits in with Kirk’s obvious obsession with the decade]

Jeremy: I’m sure you like the girl from Fast Times At Ridgemont High…what was her name?

Jon: [Jumps right on it] Phoebe Cates!

Kirk: No the other one…

Jon: Jennifer Jason-Leigh?

Jeremy: The one with the smooth dude that had sex in the dugout.

Jon: Jennifer Jason-Leigh!

Jeremy: Oh she’s hot! She’s THICK and she’s 80’s too!

Jon: She was with Mike Damone; Mike Damone fucked her in the dugout!

[Tape runs out…I mean come on, they had been talking for a LONG TIME]

Karma: Okay Paul your choice would be?

Paul: Catherine Zeta-Jones but she looks like a real bitch though!

Kirk: Before she had kids!

Jeremy: But you’re on an island with her so maybe after about a month or so she’ll give up

Paul: May be Amy Lee because she could just sing to me and that would be sexy!

Karma: Oh!

Jon: Ohh!

Jeremy: Maybe you guys could do a duet!

Paul: I’m a sucker for a female voice; I really am!

Kirk: I like the boobs! [Referring to the coconut girls]

Paul: [Laughing hysterically] Those are nice too! Don’t get me wrong!

Jon: Bonus!

Karma: You can take 1 MP3 CD with you for your soundtrack, your choices would be…?

Jason: Beastie Boys, A Tribe Called Quest, Scarface, Ghetto Boys, Slayer…

Paul: I thought it was one CD?

Karma: It’s an MP3 CD

Jason: Shhh!

Jeremy: It is!

Paul: That we can take with us on the island?

Karma & Jason: Yes!

Karma: It’s your soundtrack, now get ready!

Jason: Slayer, everything by Nine Inch Nails, everything by Slayer…

Karma: I think you’re done aren’t you? You said everything by Slayer and everything by Nine Inch Nails!

Group: [Razzes him inaudibly]

Jason: Clutch, Pantera… Oh come on! Oh my god there’s so much more I can’t think right now

Paul: [Reaching towards the recorder on the table] Where’s the power source for this?

Erika: It runs on batteries

Karma: Solar, it runs on solar power! Use your imagination!

Paul: [Laughs] Touché

Jason: Scorn is another one

Karma: Okay, Jeremy?

Jeremy: Frank Sinatra…

Jason: Yes!

Jeremy: Led Zeppelin, Killswitch Engage, Life of Agony (only the first record)

Karma: Of course! [Smiles]

Jeremy: Maybe the second, then after that Ugly Kid Joe Blood for Blood, that’s a good one! Hatebreed…I think that’s about it!

Karma: Okay, Paul?

Paul: Pantera, Sevendust, Killswitch Engage, Old school Metallica, little bit of Breeding Ground in there

Adam Jackson: [Chiming in is lead singer of Twelve Tribes] Some Twelve Tribes! [We all laugh heartily]

Paul: Definitely some Twelve Tribes!

Jeremy: If DevilInside and Twelve Tribes are on the island, I’ll eat ‘em! Gotta live somehow!

Paul: I’m trying to think of something abstract to put in there…oh definitely a little bit of Vanilla Ice and some McHammer. I’d put some of that on there…

Jeremy: What is wrong with you? What that and Bi-Polar though Vanilla Ice’s 2002 release] are the only ones you could get your hands on?

Paul: Yeah! Yeah, that’s right, I had that CD, I bought that CD, and I’m not alone! And I make them listen to it! And lots of Megadeth!

Group: [Groans in unison]

Karma: There ya go; there ya go!

Paul: That’s right, I’m gonna tell my band all about it!

Jeremy: Marty Freidman was awesome!

Karma: He really was!

Paul: Would you give me a cell phone so I could call and leave Megadeth on their voicemail all day long?

Karma: Sure would!

Paul: We went down to Miami to record the album and there was this bar across the street called Billy’s that had 75¢ drafts and they were open until 6 O’clock in the morning and they closed at 6 and reopened at 7.

Kirk: But if you were there you could stay!

Karma & Erika: Oh no!

Kirk: And I stayed a MANY of night

Paul: [Excited glint in his eye] My band is not a huge fan of Megadeth but I’m a huge fan so I would go on that jukebox and I’d be dropping money in it like crazy and go, “Here you go guys! Right there for you!”

Kirk: He didn’t have enough 80’s shit!

Karma: Because of course it’s all about the 80’s for you!

Kirk: Oh yeah!

Jeremy: He did have “High Enough”

Paul: Definitely, some Damn Yankees would be on there!

Kirk: He only had the first two Bon Jovi albums were okay and then there was Slippery When Wet, Skid Row, Cinderella, and White Trash. All the good ones… All the great

Karma: All the great hair bands!

Kirk: Give me all the great hair bands and I'll be happy!

Karma: And last but not least…

Jon: Johnny Depp's Greatest Hits!

Group: What?

Paul: [Laughing hysterically] Johnny Depp's Greatest Hits… If Johnny Depp sang, that's what I'd want to bring because I love Johnny Depp's sweet ass!

Kirk: The lost karaoke tapes!

Jon: I'm over here by the way! I would put on this mixed tape: Testament, Old Metallica, Soilwork, The Haunted, At The Gates. I would also put on there because my mom raised me on fucking Air Supply, and contemporary 70's singer/songwriter bullshit. I love that stuff, Cat Stevens, Lionel Ritchie, and Frank Sinatra as well.

Karma: Jonathan, here's a question for you, we will be interviewing The Haunted in a couple of days

Jon: Cool!

Karma: Do you have any questions?

Jon: For The Haunted?

Karma: Yeah!

Jon: You could ask Anders Björler or Jensen how they came up with such good fuckin' riffs on their first fucking record. And ask the twins, Anders and his brother Jonas how they came up with Slaughter of the Soul because its one of the greatest records ever!

Karma: Very cool!

Erika: Thank you!

Jon: And when the next At The Gates reunion is going to happen!

Karma: Well thank you very much guys! It was a real blast!

Group: Thank you! 

Click here for some pix from tonight's show